Feng Shui

I feng shuied my bedroom tonight. Google is telling me that’s an appropriate way to use it in the past tense. And by feng shuied I mean, I threw away some stuff and put some other stuff under my bed. Nonetheless - or nevertheless - (what’s the difference?) I feel better.

I think the only way to feel good in life is to do the things you tell yourself you’re going to do. You don’t even need to do the things perfectly, either. For instance, if you tell yourself, “tomorrow I’m gonna go on a run” it doesn’t matter if you go on a shit run. It doesn’t matter if you run a 12 minute mile and have a cramp and wear ill-fitting running clothes you haven’t worn in years and your knee hurts. You’re still going to feel good after the run because you said you were going to run, and you ran.

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I would send this post out tonight, as 12:07 AM as I’m sitting in my bed, but I forgot that some of my closest friends get these emails and I don’t want them to get a notification while they’re out on a Saturday night. I have the most supportive friends in the world, it’s not that, it’s just that my writing can feel kind of depressing sometimes. I was a Catcher In The Rye high schooler, that’s why. I can’t help it. In college a kid told me that one of the articles I wrote felt like a J.D. Salinger novel and to this day, that was the best compliment I have ever received.

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There’s an Atlantic article being talked about online right now titled, “The People Who Quit Dating” with the subtitle, “Being single can be hard, but the search for love may be harder.” In it, the author basically describes how draining, time-consuming, and actually detrimental it can be for a single person to center their life around trying to find a partner. Instead, according to a therapist she interviews, it’s better to accept that you’ll meet someone if you meet someone. And not everyone does. I think that idea is really scary to a lot of people. Like, you might not be one of the chosen ones who gets to couple up. You might be left standing as a single person forever, without getting to fall in love, without a beautiful wedding, without all of that. It’s a scary thought to me for sure, but I think I’m less scared than other people. I’ve never had real, romantic love so I don’t know any different. I know that it would feel amazing and would be an incredible experience for so many reasons. But if I don’t get it in this life, I probably had it in a previous one and maybe I’ll get it in the next. The next life, or dimension, or heaven, or level to this game, or whatever the fuck.

This September 1st I'm deciding to blindly trust my path, wherever it may lead me. I’ll follow my intuition and do my best to do the things I say I’m going to do and I’ll try and run more. Even if my knee hurts and my running shorts don’t fit anymore.